Just the Beginning

“It is easy to see the beginnings of things, and harder to see the ends.” Said by the great Joan Didion.

I had such a high when I started my first day at FIT. What could go wrong? I kept saying to myself.  Being in the fashion capital of the country, going to school for what I love, and leaving the small town where I grew up; life was good. I had it all planned out; this was the beginning of the rest of my life. I had been so excited to begin I had no idea how this would end. I just assumed things would work out for the best.

I think I was in denial though. I had such a rush from knowing that I was free from my home town while everyone else was stuck at Community College back home that I was utterly clueless of what I was about to endure.

The hour and a half bus ride into the city was my time to relax. Time to get all of my thoughts together before I got into the city that doesn’t sleep. I was doing this on my own. This was my plan, my present, and hopefully my future. It was the moment I walked out of Port Authority that I had my “Ah ha” moment. Like I had been here all my life that it was my destiny. Although I had this feeling in reality I was a fish out of water. Like a little baby beginning to walk; I was taking my first steps out into this huge place.

My first few months went by the fastest. I made all new friends who were very different than the ones I had back at home; very mature. At first I had been intimidated by the way everyone dressed. My skinny jeans and sheer top were acceptable in Jersey, but it seemed like nothing compared to everyone else’s style here. So within a few weeks a new wardrobe was in place and my self-esteem had grown overnight. I didn’t feel like I was living a real life in New York, I still feel this way because everything here is right at the tip of my fingers. It’s all laid out here for me, just a few blocks north is 5th Ave but just a few blocks south is Harlem; its my choice to decide where I will end up, and that’s what scared me the most. I lived life very carelessly considering my only real priority was school, and money was handed to me left and right by my parents. My youth wasn’t going to last forever and that was my mentality. Everyone my age is acting like this or at least I thought so, it was a teenager/twenty’s sort of thing.

Only a month into my first semester I was working Fashion Week. Meeting celebrities including my icons Rachel Zoe and Lauren Conrad. It was as if I was living in a dream. Night after night I would think to myself, there is no way this is my life. When you think some things are too good too be true, they usually are. With this mentality I felt like I had to protect it like it was my own baby; make sure nothing went wrong.

I will never forget my first few months in New York because they were and will be the only months of my life in the city that are care-free. This is what I believe to be my true beginning. The beginning of conquering the big city of New York, of conquering FIT, moving out of my comfort zone of Barnegat New Jersey and really living. This was my beginning, and no this is not me saying this is the end after only 9 months in, its me saying that at this point I am still writing my future. I am still figuring out my plan in New York City, and I still don’t know what the end will look like.