Dating Just to Date

I dated this guy in college, I was about 20, and he told me something I’ll never forget. Something I didn’t understand then, but I understand now as I’ve gotten older and more mature.

He said, “I don’t want to date just to date.”

WTF does that even mean?

Well, it means that the guy I was dating was a little older than me and he wasn’t looking to date just for the fun of it, he was looking to date someone he thought he could see himself having a future with.

At 19 I didn’t really get this because obviously I liked him and thought maybe things could work out, but I mean I was 19- I wasn’t even legally allowed to drink yet… We didn’t see eye to eye, which is why he broke up with me. Of course I was hurt, but as time went on and I got older I could see where he was coming from.

At 19 I just wanted to go out and have fun and meet new people and experience new things. Fast forward 4 years and things have changed a little. Yeah I still want to go out and have a good time, but I don’t just want to meet anymore, I want to meet THE one. I used to go on dates with anyone thinking that it’s a good thing to go out and get out of my comfort zone, but now I work and I’m busy and tired a lot, so the person has to be worth it for me to want to actually see them. But don’t get me wrong, because I still enjoy going on dates, I’m just a little more specific with my dating choices.

I pick and choose more wisely now. For instance, this gorgeous 20 year old was into me- hot body, great personality, but I knew it wouldn’t work out. He loves to selfie, he can’t drink yet and his goals and ambitions in life aren’t compatible to mine. While he might have been a great fling, I don’t want a fling. I don’t want to date just to date. I want to find real love.

This is why being a 20-something sucks. Because you can never tell where people are in life- are they still in that dating just to date phase or are they ready to commit? And asking them is out of the question, you kind of just have to pick up on their behaviors and play their games for a little bit until you finally see them for who they really are. Because either they’ll fall madly in love with you or they’ll keep playing games with your head.